On Breaking Up with White Evangelicalism

It's been a long time coming, but I'm finally saying goodbye.

Dear White Evangelicalism,

If I’m being honest, this has been a long time coming.

I could feel it almost viscerally in the pit of my stomach, in the depths of my heart.

Every day for weeks, months, and years, I wrestled.

But saying goodbye to what I assumed would be a lifelong partner hasn’t been easy.

I’ve made excuses.

I’ve overlooked abuse and horrific behavior.

Pretty sure at some point I was convinced

It wasn’t you; it was me.

I’ve said the words, “I’m done,” out loud to myself, even to others

So many times.

And then proceeded to go back to you.

I was convinced you’d change.

Or that I could change you.

They say on average it takes seven times to leave a toxic, abusive relationship.

Not sure it was that many for me, but it was a significant number.

Today, though, I am pulling the plug.

This, whatever this was, is over.

I’m calling it.

Time of death of relationship?

12:22 PM, Friday, January 9, 2026

The lies, the shame, the hypocrisy, the judgmentalism, the feigned compassion.

I’ve had enough.

The final nail in the coffin?

Your reelection of a thug, perpetrator, liar, grifter, cheat, felon.

You told me character matters

And then voted in an anti-Christ figure.

You told me to love my neighbor

And then put stipulations on that love.

Like, are they legal, straight, monogamous, “our type of Christian,” Republican?

You told me we’re all about grace and not about the law

And then proceeded to take the minutiae of the law to cut people down.

You told me I was created with value and worth

As long as I stayed in my lane, played the part, submitted like a good girl should.

You told me you were a safe place from the world

While letting power-hungry predators devour innocent prey and get off with impunity.

You told me you’re pro-life

Yet had nothing to say about (or flat out supported)

Healthcare and food safety nets being stripped away from the most vulnerable,

Black and brown bodies being violated and kidnapped,

The LGBTQ+ community being demonized and dehumanized,

Renee Nicole Good being murdered by federal thugs.

Then there’s your cheating.

With white Christian nationalism.

That has clarified many things.

Something at your core is rotten.

And I truly don’t think it can be fixed.

You’ve gotten into bed with the American Empire

To the detriment of your first love.

No, I don’t mean me.

I mean the loving, compassionate Jesus you claim to follow.

Words are cheap.

Especially when your actions don’t match.

You’ve taken the parts that are really good-

Grace, mercy, forgiveness-

And either cheapened them or weaponized them.

You were my world for so long.

If I’m being honest,

I struggled with what life would look like without you.

How could I survive?

What was my identity, standing on my own?

But something has been happening to me.

Slowly, over the course of the last few years,

Like the metamorphosis of caterpillar to butterfly,

I’ve grown wings.

It’s now beyond time for me to stretch those wings and fly away.

There’s a big, beautiful world to explore.

People I might not have met,

Places I might not have gone to,

Experiences I might not have had

If I had stayed in our unhealthy relationship.

It was holding me back.

Honestly, you were killing me.

What comes next?

What happens now?

I’m not completely sure.

And that’s ok because I don’t need certainty, a clear path.

I don’t need all the answers.

I’m tired of living in the black and white

When so much of the world is shades of gray and vibrant colors.

I can stretch and dream and search and

Be.

Be me.

I feel alive!

The Center held.

I have my True North.

I don’t need you to tell me how to live, move, or have my being.

I don’t need you to tell me how to experience my faith,

As if faith can be confined to four walls on Sunday mornings.

I don’t need your misogyny,

Thinly veiled in terms like roles, headship, and creation order.

I don’t need your permission to write, speak, or lead.

I don’t need your whitewashed, Americanized version of Jesus.

We’re through.

I.am.free.

Sarah